What do these have in common?

What do these have in common?

Dear all and all yet to be,

So nice to hear your comments on my various discussions in the official Dude newsletter column.  As I've tended to mention, artist and fan interaction works best as a two-way.  One benefits the other, and
spoken or written comments will always earn more than the unspoken kind.

On today's topic, I'm writing you all about something rather unusual, which I'm fairly sure that when you read the following, few humans will see coming.  It goes like this.

There are two things I'd like to have happen before the inevitable expiration common to earthly life.  One is petting a cheetah.  The other is meeting Alice Cooper.

Special note to the astute:  Notice how both of these requests intertwine with perfect commonality?   Actually they don't, but related or not, that's what I'm asking for in this newsletter.

Special note to unsubstantiated well-meaners:  In order for these two wishes to take place, one must have the actual authority to grant these requests.  Do you want to know how many people have claimed to know Alice Cooper and don't, or swear they actually have 20 cheetah's penned up in their back forty, ready to break new land speed records?  Unless you actually have the genuine Alice or cheetah Stamp of Approval, you may want to "go climb a tree", as Capt. Kirk once said.
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